Have you ever wondered why you have not found the love you deserve? Are you getting frustrated about finding your match?
What you need is not far from you, you just may need to take a closer look within.
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We often have after thoughts of meeting the wrong people, especially
when we initially thought we had finally met “the one.” This can become
overwhelming if you keep meeting the wrong match over again. Well, you
do not have to look that far. The first step to finding the love you
deserve starts with you.
How do you view yourself as love? Viewing yourself as love begins
with loving yourself completely. What words would you use to describe
yourself? How much attention do you pay to your character and
personality?
Below are some pointers that will help you find the answers you need and lead you towards finding the love you truly deserve:
Love Starts with You
It is not about looking good on the outside alone but about
believing in yourself completely. Start viewing yourself as love and in
the eyes of the one you deserve to be with as well as who deserve to
love you for who you are. How you treat and accept yourself sets the
pace for how others will treat and accept you.
Change the way you think
Your thoughts can help shape or break you. You cannot have a positive attitude
with negative outcomes. When you align your thoughts with positivity,
it will reflect in everything you do and help attract the right people
into your life.
Learn to embrace your flaws
Accept yourself as you are with your flaws. There is no one perfect
and you will not find a perfect partner. The one who deserve to love you
will be willing to embrace you and your flaws without a doubt.
Spend time pampering yourself. Take some time outside work to
pamper yourself. Go on a trip, give yourself a spa treatment gift, go on
a girls’ night out, and attend a concert. Build up your
self-confidence; carry yourself in ways that make you feel comfortable
in your own skin and company.
The moment you start to treat yourself the way you want to be
treated, you would not be willing to allow or accept anything less than
you deserve. The love you have for yourself will draw the attention of
the one to love and be with you.
Do not limit where you can meet someone to places you are used to
going. Do not spend your days and nights off at home either. You cannot
really meet someone hanging out at home and watching TV with popcorn in
hand. Change the setting you are used to and be willing to step outside
of your comfort zone. Attend network mixes, professional events,
seminars or conferences for singles and you will definitely meet people who are like-minded as you.
It is not an easy process but the results speak for themselves. Do these for a few months and see what happens next!
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Divorces will always evoke a variety of emotions ranging from anger
and fear to doubt and sadness. Whatever you may currently be
experiencing, it is important to remember that these feelings will pass
and you must get proactive about your future. Anyone who is currently
going through this legal situation should keep these tips in mind so
that they can get out of divorce court in one piece.
Stay on Good Terms Whenever Possible
This is probably the single most difficult tip for any spouse, but a
little restraint early on can help you avert huge problems later. There
are sure to be some hard feelings and discontent, but couples should
refrain from arguments whenever possible. Any slander, threats, or
accusations that are said throughout this process could be used against
the person in court or during mediation.
Start Collecting Information Early
You should collect and organize every scrap of paperwork that involves personal property, mutual property, bank accounts, retirement
accounts, or payments as early as possible. This will maximize your
time with the paralegal or attorney when the paperwork must be filed and
the legal process begins.
Put Children First
Anywhere from 40 to 50 percent of all first marriages end up in a divorce,
and this means that millions of children are thrown into these
life-altering situations. Parents should realize that the judge will put
a child’s well-being before almost everything else including the
assets. If parents assume that their children will come first, they will
be much more prepared for what is about to take place in the courtroom.
Do I Need Legal Help?
A healthy divorce may seem unlikely, but it is possible. Even if a
couple is coming to a mutual agreement, no one should ever hesitate to
reach out to an attorney. A parent may never know exactly what will take
place in the coming years, and major life changes such as an ex-wife or
husband getting remarried or wanting to move away with the kids is
something that must be accounted for. Even if you want to try
arbitration rather than divorce court, a firm in your area can give you a better sense of the process and things you must have in order.
Stagger Major Changes
A divorce will almost always mean that you are going to go through
some major life changes. Instead of attempting to carry out all of these
changes in those first few weeks or months, it is a better idea to
stagger them out across the year. Attempting to sell a house, buy a new
house, switch careers, and change your child’s school all at once can be
disastrous and it will be reflected in the court proceedings.
A divorce is a major life event and will require you to make some
serious long-term choices. Taking the time to accommodate for these
changes early on will help reduce some of the stress and anxiety during the legal process.
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Single mothers who wish to find a partner with whom to develop a
serious and successful relationship need to be aware of their
expectations and needs and share these with the prospective partner. If
he will do likewise they increase the likelihood of becoming able to
develop and nurture a satisfying intimacy.
With the new world-wide sociological-cultural trends, as gay marriage
and children’s adoption by married gays and lesbians, more and more
highly-educated women opt to have a child without a partner. Although
most of them would have wanted to have a father for their children, they
don’t seem to be successful at developing a long-lasting relationship
with a man. One reason being, that there are still quite a few number of
men who prefer their women to have less education than them, while the
highly-educated women prefer men with equal or higher education to
theirs.
Studies show that most women who opt to have a child on their own are
not only highly-educated, but also have a well-paying job, both of
which give them the feeling of independence. Due to the seriousness of
their decision, most single women take a year and a half to finalize
their decision about becoming a mother. Indeed, they would have
preferred not to be a single mother, but in the absence of a “suitable
partner” they opt to go ahead with artificial insemination.
Many of the single mothers still wish to have a partner to share
their life with. They know that, now that they have a child, it might
not be easy for them to be attracted to a man. The man, on his part,
might know that the single woman might be too engulfed with taking care
of her child and that it might come at the expense of being attentive
for him and to their relationship.
When a single mother and a prospective partner begin dating,
feeling they’d like to develop an intimate bond, both need to be aware
of the relationship they are upon to enter. Open communication, sharing
of expectations and understanding each other’s perception of reality is
an essential part in their attempts at building a satisfying intimacy.
Being aware of doing things with the child as well as by themselves is
another component of the relationship which determines the success or
failure of their bond.
The beginning of their relationship – like so many others – is often not
an indication as to how things between them will develop in the future.
As much as they might “fall in love” and move quickly into an “intimate
relationship”, they might need to keep in mind that due to the special
situation they are in they need to take things slowly and think
carefully about their next move and steps. They need therefore to be
attentive to their individual needs and wishes as well as to their
partner’s. After all, getting into a relationship where a small child is
involved is not like entering just any other relationship between two
adults.
The more the single mother is aware of her expectations (as well as
fears) about a partner, and the more the man who gets involved with her
is aware of his own expectations and fears; and the more they are open
to share their respected “piece of mind” with each other, the better
equipped they are to develop a satisfying, enduring intimacy.
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Breaking up is always difficult. What you need is guaranteed breakup
advice to help you pull through the days and weeks following your
breakup. While this is not a one size fits all solution by any means
these steps will provide you some degree of comfort despite your
heartache. They may even give you a little bit of hope for the future.
You'll have to make that decision for yourself though.
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Don't Get Angry with the World
The world is going to keep turning despite your broken heart. It will
do no good to get angry at the world. More importantly, staying angry
really doesn't accomplish much at all. It takes so much energy and
effort to maintain and is rarely productive. Instead, try keeping your
chin up and fostering a positive attitude.
It may take a little more initial effort but positive attitudes are
contagious and if you infect everyone around you it will be much more
difficult for you to remain angry.
Take Back Control of Your Life
There's nothing like putting yourself in the driver's seat again to give you a strong sense of empowerment.
When you are dumped or someone breaks up with you it feels as though
the power in your life has been taken away from you. Start with small
things to put yourself back in control. Take classes. Learn new skills.
Get a new job. These small things you can do will make y\u feel much
more in control of your own destiny.
Figure out why Your Relationship Failed
Taking the time to learn what went wrong can help you prevent making
the same mistakes in future relationships. It might take a little while
to get to the real heart of the matter but it's an effort that will be
worth its weight in gold and effort when future relationships benefit
from this newfound insight.
A little hint you might find useful is this: few relationships end
for the most obvious reasons. You'll probably have to dig a little bit
to find the real reason for the breakup.
Consider Getting Your Ex Back
Sometimes there's nothing in the world that will take the place of
getting your ex back for healing your broken heart. Some relationships
are just impossible to move on from. Decide now if that is the only
solution for you so you can begin making plans for a future or whether
it's time to move on and seek new relationships.
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Men cheat. Women cheat. People cheat. It’s true. The question many of us have is, why?
So what is the MAIN reason men cheat?
The answer may surprise you. Most women assume men cheat because of
sexual attraction – but in fact, they don’t. According to studies of men
who have cheated in serious relationships or marriages, they cheated
because they were emotionally dissatisfied in their relationships. An
overwhelming majority were feeling underappreciated and emotionally
disconnected from their partner. This can be an underlying feeling
that’s been happening over time, or it can be sudden.
This isn’t to say that sex doesn’t play a role AT ALL in men’s infidelity.
Sex is an integral part of a healthy relationship, and for that reason
if a guy is in an emotionally satisfying relationship that’s sexually
deficient, it’s likely he’ll look for it elsewhere.
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So how physical was it?
Of course, when someone engages in a physical affair they’re most likely
attracted to them. However (and again somewhat surprisingly), in
multiple studies almost 90% of men surveyed who had cheated did NOT
describe the woman they cheated with as being more attractive than their
partner.
When does it happen?
Another reason men cheat is to get affirmation
that they’re still desirable to the opposite sex – and not the person
they’re in a long-term relationship with. Harmless flirting is fine; but
when a man is insecure enough about his waning mojo, he’ll seek out
women outside of his relationship to confirm he still “has it.” (Of
course there are also men who simply enjoy the art of sneaking around,
and we hope you stay far away from that type of guy.)
And where do most men meet the women they have affairs with?
Many men who begin to feel underappreciated at home seek out admiration
and respect in the workplace. Often these flirtations start out as
emotional connections and then progress to the physical. When men have
trouble talking with their partners or feel as though they’ve lost a
spark in their relationship (mental, physical or otherwise), it’s easy
to lean on female acquaintances and friends whom they’re around most
often: from 9 to 5.
Other influences that cause men to cheat?
These include getting an extra thrill, being around friends who have
also or are currently cheating on a spouse or partner, and feeling as
though their partner has changed. If a man feels like his girlfriend or
wife has become less caring or has stopped being romantic, it can cause
him to seek affection from other women. If she’s vastly different from
the girl he feels he fell in love with, he’ll want to find what he used
to have with her…somewhere else.
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Cheating sucks.
So what are three ways you can reduce the likelihood your man turns into a cheater?
1. Don’t lose sight of your well-being/health
Being in a long-term relationship can create a sense of comfort, which
is great! But make sure you don’t get too comfortable. For instance,
don’t quit wearing make up altogether or make your daily uniform
sweatpants and an old tee. Of course this is a completely appropriate
outfit for a night in with your guy, but dressing up sometimes will help
remind him of your femininity and beauty. Keep your fitness and diet regimen the same as when you two got together!
Just because you’re committed to each other, it doesn’t mean you should
stop caring about your waistline or your overall general health. Keeping
this up will also help keep your confidence up–and that’s one thing
that all guys can agree is HOT.
2. Keep communication open
If you’ve found that something seems odd or missing, it may be time to
open up the lines of communication, a la “Hey babe? I noticed we haven’t
been doing our regular date night for the last few weeks. How do you
feel about renewing that tradition?” This is an example of a
nonconfrontational way to rejuvenate the romantic (and important) part
of your relationship.
Accepting that you’re both “busy” or that maybe this is just a phase
doesn’t cut it. Turn up the volume on your voice and say what you need
to say. It’s better to step out of denial and into a solution so you can
give your relationship a chance to change and grow over time.
3. Along with the emotional part of your relationship, keep the physical part fresh!
Don’t let your activities in the bedroom get stale. Sometimes it helps
to remind yourself and your man how fiery your chemistry was at the
start of your relationship. Reenact one of your first dates, plan a
weekend away, or settle in for a “stay-cation.”
Some of the best advice I ever got way back when was this: Never go
longer than three days (yes, THREE) without having sex with your
partner. Sure, you’re tired. And yes, maybe the garlic from dinner makes
you feel less than pretty. So what?! We promise that once you get into
the groove, your mind will tune into your body and a connection will be
established. Busy lives can’t get in the way of maintaining a physical
connection.
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Don't Repeat Past Mistakes. Follow These Three Tips
Looking for love after divorce? Here are three tips to help as you begin dating after your divorce.
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1. Be suspicious if it all seems “too good to be true” – it probably is.
If your subconscious, neurotic needs are running the show, it’s fabulous
at first and then horrible. If your common sense is running it, it
starts out tentative, and grows stronger when you meet the right person.
If your friends are worried about this relationship, listen to them.
They could be wrong, but what if they’re right? You need to find out.
2. You shouldn’t feel like you always know what to do. You and this new person are doing a new thing.
Seek to work as a team to figure it out as you go along. If either one
of you is in charge, there’s probably a problem. If you’re working
together, even though it’s not too smooth, it’s probably going OK.
3. Don’t keep secrets.
Talk about past relationship issues, and be willing to share your
emotions and reactions with each other. Getting to know each other is
the key to developing a working relationship. Don’t follow some set of
mental rules – they’re always a trap from your childhood – don’t repeat
your early family.
That style doesn’t suit who you are as an adult. Instead, seek to learn
something new, about yourself and about each other. If you’re afraid
that telling the truth will upset your partner, you need to test that
right away, to find out if you can get through the problem. Screwing
things up is the way to find out if you can fix them together.
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Do you know that the fear of abandonment is a major impediment to
ever having or sustaining a successful and healthy relationship? Do you
know most people who find themselves unconsciously sabotaging their
relationships harbour this fear deep within them? Do you know that this
fear often arises from early negative memories of abandonment imprinted
in the subconscious mind from early childhood?
Finally do you know that now for the first time in human history it
is a) possible to completely and permanently delete/erase such memories
and by doing so b) concurrently erase/delete the fear itself from within
thereby eradicating the tendency to sabotage relationships based on
this fear?
When one experiences some form of significant abandonment as a child
the negative memory of the event becomes "downloaded" within the
subconscious mind and recedes completely from the person's awareness.
Its presence and effects however are not forgotten.
The person, without realising it often will feel themselves to be
anxious, insecure, nervous, and vulnerable whenever an important
person/partner/friend happens to leave or disappear even for short
periods of time.
The person in question, will often become panicked, feel out of
control, unconsciously resort to some form of needy, controlling,
attention seeking or manipulative behaviour
that will invariably create greater tension in that/those relationships
thereby leading to a potential fresh abandonment experience/event.
Another way of saying all of this is that the original abandonment
experience behaves like an unhealed wound that must be guarded from
resurging into conscious awareness because the pain laden within it is
too unbearable. Unfortunately the tendency to ward off this event leads to a repeat
of the very same event, further abandonment and further pain. This
can create an interminable spiral downwards into isolation, depression,
panic and a life that feels overwhelming and intolerable.
The only way out of this downward spiral is the complete and
permanent erasure/deletion of the original negative (and subsequent)
memories of abandonment from the subconscious mind. Many might refer to
this as the healing of the original wound but actually is more than
that; it is fundamentally a profound empowerment phenomenon.
The erasure of these memories effectively leaves the individual
feeling like the event never actually took place. Although this may be
difficult to conceive and believe it is actually now a reality.
Consequently with such an erasure the person begins to feel whole,
complete, strong, resilient, in charge of themselves, self confident,
self assured, emotionally independent, self sufficient, clear, healthy
and like their True Empowered Authentic Self i.e. the self "before" the
event ever took place.
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When one thinks about what it means to love someone or for someone
else to love them, they are likely to have an idea in mind. This idea
could also be backed up by a certain feeling or a combination of
feelings. What it means to one person is not necessarily going to be the same
as what it means for someone else. Now this could be because one person
has an outlook that is different, or it could be that one person’s
outlook is healthy and the other person’s outlook isn’t.
Give And Take
If one has a healthy outlook of what love is they are going to
realise that it is partly about sharing and receiving. This doesn’t mean
that one will give and then they will receive straight away; as this
not how it always works.
However, if one was to always give or to always receive and didn’t
return the favour, it would be a clear sign that something isn’t right.
In each moment, there may be differences when it comes to whether each
person gives or takes, but these differences should balance out as time
passes.
Conflict
Yet, just because one has a healthy outlook of what love is, it
doesn’t mean that this is what they experience. There is then what is
taking place in their mind, and there is what is taking place
externally. When this takes happens, it is not uncommon for one to come to the
conclusion that they are unlucky or even a victim of circumstances. This
would mean that one is blaming the external world for what is occurring
in their life.
Another approach would be for them to put themselves down and to act
as if there is something inherently wrong with them. In this case, they
are the ones with the problem and not others. One could also alternate
between the two options.
The Hidden Influence
If the outlook that one has is mirrored back to them through the
relationships that they have, they won’t be experiencing conflict. At
the same time, this doesn’t mean their life has always been this way; as
they might have experienced conflict in the past.
When one is unable to fulfill the outlook that they have in their
mind, it could be because of what is taking place in their body. The
words ‘could be’ are used as one’s outlook might not be realistic, and
this is why they are unable to fulfill the outlook in their mind.
The Body
However, with that aside, what is taking place in their body will
play a big role when it comes to whether they can fulfill what is taking
place in their mind. If one’s body only feels safe when they are giving,
it will make it hard for them to attract people who are willing to give
to them. Just as if one only feels safe when they are receiving it will make
it hard for them to give to others. So whether one identifies with the
former or the latter or alternatives between the two, it will still make
it hard for them to experience love in a balanced.
The Giver
One could be in a position where they are attracted to people who
need them. This means that one will fulfill the other person’s needs and
their needs will end up being ignored.
The other person might come across as needy and they might always
need to be rescued from something or someone. Either way, one will end
up feeling more like the other person’s parent than their partner and it
will have a negative effect on their relationship.
The Taker
The other option is for one to be attracted to someone because they
need them. In this case, they will only care about getting their own
needs met and not on meeting the other persons needs. Due to how they come across, the other person may be only too happy
to be there for them and to not expect anything in return. And as one is
acting like a child that needs to be looked after, it will lead to a
relationship that is out of balance.
A Deeper Look
Although each person is playing a role that is stopping them from
having a fulfilling relationship, it is going to be what feels safe at a
deeper level. If they were to change their behaviour, there is the
chance that they would feel uncomfortable. The role that each person is playing as an adult is likely to be the
same role they played as a child. And as one still feels the same, they
are going to continue to behave in the same way and to attract people
who allow them to replay their childhood all over again.
Childhood
One may have had to look after their caregivers and this would have
meant that their needs were generally ignored. The connection that they
had to their caregiver’s was not based on live; it was based on them
fulfilling their caregiver’s needs.
This then sets one up to associate love with need and if they go
against this, it is likely to trigger the feeling of being abandoned. To
be abandoned at this age would have caused one to feel as though they
were going to die.
The Other Experience
When one is unable to give and is only focused on receiving, they
may have had caregivers who neglected them in another way. They were
still fulfilling their caregiver’s needs, but instead of them having to
act like mini adults, they were made to feel special.
Their true-self would have remained undeveloped and they wouldn’t
have received the care that they needed in order grow up. The fear of
being abandoned is likely to exist, but this is likely to be covered up
by the fear of being smothered.
Awareness
If one is out of balance and is unable to receive or to give, it
will be a sign that they have work to do on themselves. When it comes to
moving forward, one of the things that one will need to do is to grieve
their unmet childhood needs.
This can take place through the assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group.
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Divorced women offer so much to a relationship because they know what
it takes to be in a serious, committed relationship. They've had all
their experiences, been there and done that, so to speak; and so they're
the best partner.
We all know divorce
is emotionally, physically and financially draining and everyone
processes all those things at their own rate. It's not a matter of
getting over the divorce as much as it is getting over the marriage and all the things that transpired in that.
Make sure that you are ready to date by giving yourself enough time
to heal all the wounds. Make sure you have a chance to deal with your
loss and your grief and your anger and really move past your previous
relationship before you jump into the dating arena.
Start with self-awareness. Start with examining your values and your
goals, what's important to you. Really know yourself first and be happy
being single before you venture out for a life partner. It will take at
least six months to do this well.
When you are ready, start thinking about what you require of a man.
Your deal breakers - things that absolutely must be there or it's not
going to work. For example, he must be honest, respectful, passionate,
and interdependent. You have to know your requirements in order to have
them met. Identify all those.
What are your emotional and functional needs? What might be important
to you in the person you want to become involved with? For example, is
he organized, a good communicator, affectionate, loyal, patient. When we
have unmet needs, relationships don't last and resentment sets in. It's
just not going to work out.
Lastly, what do you want in a man? That's the icing on the cake, so
to speak. Do you want a man who is tall, dark and handsome? Do you want a
muscular man? These are wants, not deal breakers. In other words, if
the man did not have those physical attributes, it could still work.
If you take the time to reflect upon your marital relationship and
see what went well and what didn't, you actually can use that experience
to help you. You can learn from it so that you know what you want and
don't want this time around.
How do you figure out what kind of a relationship you're looking for?
Maybe you just want companionship. Maybe you just want some sort of
physical relationship. How can you determine what it is you're looking
for? As part of your reflections on what kind of a man you want, you must
think about what kind of a relationship you want also. That's why before
you jump into the dating
pool; you need to do your homework. Know what you want. Develop your
own self-awareness about what's important to you and stick with those
intentions.
So you need to just be patient and make sure that you do a lot of
reflection and understand what it is you want out of a man and out of a
relationship. Just take it easy and slow and don't have too many
expectations. Just get out there and see what happens and be secure and
comfortable and confident in the knowledge of what you want.
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