7 Critical Questions Stepdating Couples Should Consider and Ask Each Other

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You have enjoyed the romance and the commitment between you and your companion is steadily deepening. You have now reached the point where the two of you begin talking about how you will introduce your children to your companion.  Are you a single parent getting married, a divorced mom getting remarried, or a widow with adult children? These 7 critical questions will help raise your awareness of the issues to consider.

The next 7 steps will set the tone for the relationship between your children and their future step-parent.  Failure to plan is to plan to fail!

1. How long should I wait before telling the children I am involved in a serious relationship?
There is no easy answer to this question. Remember you are the expert on your own children. Take a moment to consider how your children, even adult children typically react to change.
Are the children flexible and adaptable, slow to accept change, or highly resistant or reactive to any changes in their life and environment?  Spend some time thinking of when your children last experienced a significant change in their lives. What approach did you use that helped each child adapt?  Children need time to grief the loss of their first family or loss of a parent. It takes approximately two years to complete the grieving cycle. So while you may be emotionally ready for a new relationship, your children may still be grieving.

2. What issues should I consider before talking with the children?
The ages, stages of development; and children with special needs require thoughtful planning.  Some parents think that babies and toddlers will not have any significant emotional reaction to having a new person enter their lives. In fact, the opposite is true; even very young babies sense and react to changes.  If your child has special needs is there a time when they should not be distracted by your happy news? Are there important tests or exams that they may already be worried about? For young children and those with cognitive challenges, think carefully about the words you will use to explain your relationship. Children have the strangest ability to misinterpret information.  Some professionals advise that you should not consider remarrying until your children are adults. I do not agree with this at all.

3. Do my adult children require special consideration?
In a word, YES!  Adult children definitely require special consideration. Some older offspring are not always happy when they find out their divorced or widowed parent is ‘dating’ and planning to remarry.  Two adult children in one family may have entirely different reactions: one positive and supportive the other becomes angry and resistant. This creates additional stress for everyone.  Adult children experience similar issues as do dependent children when it comes to step-families. However, they also raise issues that are different from those raised by younger children.

4. We both have children how should we handle the announcement?
If both of you have children will you inform both sets at the same time?  If you tell one group before the other, are you inadvertently setting up a situation where some of the kids are ‘in the know’ before the others?  Those who are told first may feel they are more important in the scheme of things in contrast to the other group. This may breed some resentment, feelings of inequality, and competition between the two groups at some point.  Carefully consider the timing, location, and manner of your announcement. Each parent should inform their children on their own. This will empower the children to express their feeling openly and allow you to respond with understanding and empathy.

5. Do I tell your former spouse or let him find out though the grapevine?
This really depends on your relationship with your former partner. If you are on friendly terms it become less of an issues.  However the children will inform your ‘Ex’ anyway, so it really depends how you would prefer they find out about your romance.  If your former partner is still carrying a torch for you, expect some type of reaction: it may be dismay, anger, and grief.  The manner in which you broach the subject with your Ex may also include planning how to prepare your children for his potential reaction.

6. Are there any other special circumstances I need to consider?
Children often fantasy that their parents will reunite. When they learn there is someone else in your life, they may be resentful, angry, dismayed.  Your announcement may trigger a sense of grief and loss that their hopes and dreams for a reunion are shattered.

7. There are some major changes in the near future should I still tell the children?
Timing is everything. Sensitivity to the underlying feelings associated with upcoming changes is critical.  If your children are already feeling insecure or uncertain you may want to delay the announcement for a while. Try to understand what is worrying them. It is too soon after the divorce or separation? Have the children had an opportunity to complete their grief work? Will the upcoming changes significant and will they challenge your children’s coping skills?  If you have adult children or teenagers what events are happening in their lives that will need to be considered?

Enjoy your romance because once you change the status of your romantic relationship to that of future life partner, you enter into unknown territory.

 The intent of the above 7 critical question is to encourage you to slow down and plan carefully.

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Becoming An Effective Step Parent

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Today’s family portrait is just as likely to display a blended family as a nuclear family. However, with over 75% of adults with children remarrying and 60% of those marriages ending in divorce, mostly because of the children, indicates that something is desperately wrong.

Blended families today vary widely but what is most common between them is difficulty blending. To be an effective step parent involves a lot of hard work, time, prayer and to be frank, disappointments. The following are a few good tips for starting off down the right path:

1. Just because you are now married does not mean your new spouse should be given automatic rights to discipline your children. Most often, this is the start of family turmoil. The children should only be disciplined by their biological parent. The non-biological parent should serve as support to their spouse. Private conversations between the husband and wife regarding house rules and discipline should occur and agreed upon very early on. They should be shared and followed through with all of the children so they know what to expect, which diminishes feelings of resentment.

2. Spend time with your own children separately. This is especially important in the beginning. It will bring much needed comfort and security to your children. They need to know that they are still a priority in your life. It is very important that separate time with your children is carefully balanced so they don’t become confused about the union of their new family. As for family time, be sure to regularly plan outings and family time together, which fosters the blending process. Make sure these times are used for enjoying one another and bonding, instead of reprimanding for last weeks misbehavior.

3. Do not compete with the parental role of the same sex biological parent. The child needs to know that their step-parent is an addition to their life, not a replacement of their same sex biological parent. Encourage their love and loyalty to the absent biological parent.

4. Lower your expectations. Even after many years, in contrast to nuclear families, most blended families lack family cohesiveness.
 
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19 Steps to Effective Communication in a Relationship

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1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)

3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person's worth as a human being. Avoid statements which begin with the words "You never " or "I think you".

5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with "You always".

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognise that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)

9. Recognise that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you - especially if you are not sure.

10. Recognise that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.

14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, "you shouldn't feel like that."

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person's feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.

18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.

19. Recognise the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.

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Single Parent Dating - Making It Easier

Are you a single parent who has decided to give dating another try? Do you know where to start and what to do? Want some good single parent dating advice? Now that you are divorced, annulled or separated, hooking up with other guys may be scary. There are so many "what if", "should I" and  different kinds of doubts running through your mind. You may be too afraid to step out of your  comfort zone because you don't want to get hurt again. Well you should smile. You know why? Because you can make dating happen and it won't even hurt you. Here are some ideas on how to find someone who can accept you and your current situation you are in.


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1. Make time for it.
You should be certain that you have enough time for it. You shouldn't try to go on a date between the soccer game of your child and piano recital of your kids. The guy may think that you don't have time for him. Besides, if you try to squeeze him in then there's a lesser chance for you to get intimate with one another. He understands that you have kids to raise, deadlines to meet in work and all that. You do have to remember though that you need to give room for him. Make it a point to spend time with him without even having to rush all things.

2. Have someone to baby sit your kids.
You should always keep a list of babysitters. You will need them on so-called "surprise dates".  You must have teenagers ready to be called at any given time. They are going to be like on-call doctors. They are ready 24/7. You won't have to worry as to who can take good care of your kids while you  are away. Make sure that you have a babysitter that you can rely on. You should have one that can manage your kids' tantrums and mischievous behavior. It will help your mind be at peace while you are enjoying the night out.

3. Don't be a free rider.
There's a reason why most men don't always enjoy dating single moms. The main reason in their head is that single moms are just looking for men who can take care of their financial problems. Hence, the term free rider. Since you said that you are ready to mingle, you should come prepared. You must not be broke. When both of you are out for a dinner, split the bill in half. It is much better if you willingly pay even though he doesn't want you to shell out cash. At least, you tried. He won't have an impression that you are just after the money. Don't let him feel the burden that he will have to work twice as hard because you have children. Don't let him get that impression. If you are on a tight budget, he doesn't have to take you in a fancy restaurant. Work around your budget. Both of you can just hang out in the coffee shop and talk.
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5 Key Tips to Successful Single Parent Dating

 Did you know that single parents can go out on a date and have some fun with other people once in a while? Well yes, that is definitely correct. Single parent dating is a good way to release stress and unwind oneself.  Most single parents think that they become selfish when they spare some time for themselves.  Thus, they devote their whole lives attending to their children. However, that mentality is evidently wrong. Single parent dating can help you have a balanced life. Here are some selected single parent dating tips that can help you get started:

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1.  Create a List
Divide a portion of paper into three columns. In the first column, list the qualities you consider 'necessary'. In the middle column, write the qualities you think 'somewhat necessary'. In the last column, write the qualities you believe 'not necessary at all'. This way, you will achieve two things:
first, it will make you become more attentive to people whom you know that possess these qualities; and second, it will prevent you from choosing those people with unnecessary qualities that you don't like.

2.  Inform Your Friends
Let your friends and office mates know the qualities of the person you want to meet. Tell them the kind of person you are interested in dating. As much as possible, be specific with your interest. Then, ask a request from them to observe these qualities from the people encircling you.

3.  Allow Your Friends to Recommend Dates
After informing them of the qualities of the person you wish to have in a date, it is now their turn to suggest persons that may suit you best. Remember, your friends are likely to choose based on the qualities you considered 'necessary'. In every suggestion, allow them to include short descriptions of each person and decide which ones you could enjoy to develop a friendship with.

4.  Be Honest to Your Children
When you are new to single parent dating, there is a possibility that your children will get stressed and feel nervous when you are out of sight. Tell them the truth and let them know that they are your top priority. But, to be a better mom or dad, you must spare time for yourself as well. You need to tell them that they are still the first on your list and their needs are still the most important matter.

5.  Do Not Hasten Things
It is not a good idea for you to allow your kids to spend a day with him or her if this is your first date. It is better if you will keep them separate until you are very sure of your feelings. If the two of you start to get serious, and you feel that he or she might be the one, then introduce him or her to your children.

If you are worried about being a single mom or dad, maybe it's now time to take on a whole new perspective towards single parent dating. Think about the changes it will bring and the happiness that can be found in a good relationship, which you deserve! Bear in mind that these single parent dating tips are not just about the 'right' relationship, it is for your ultimate contentment in life.

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An Alternative View on Single Parent Dating

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Going through the ordeals of divorce is a traumatic experience. In addition to that, being a single parent with the responsibility of bringing up the children is also stressful. Dating can be a useful means of relaxation. However, there are different perspectives of single parent dating in the society. These perspectives keep on changing with times. Single parent dating can be a pleasurable experience if one makes subtle changes in their outlook towards the entire issue.

An open mind is necessary for making a right decision. Dating should be used as a means of expanding social circle rather than looking for a soul mate. An elite social circle can help in focusing on friendship. One can have a better assessment of people around through this. Depending on this assessment and analysis, a decision can be taken about the future, thus avoiding any disappointment by making poor decisions.
Socializing can also be a refreshing alternative from the busy working schedule. It can be a part of personal self-care plan. Single parents on dating should try to understand the qualities of the partner rather than banking on physical attraction. This is only possible by making friends and can help in determining the future fate of the relationship.

Single parents going for dating have to clearly set their priorities and their expectations from their partner. It is very important to convey this message to the other end so as to avoid any compromise or misunderstandings in the future. If a parent is looking to find someone, one needs to take a bit of risk. One has to come out of the comfort zone so as to socialize and meet various interesting people. Useful options include looking at the church, signing on an online dating service or through word of mouth.

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Understanding the World of Single Parents Dating Again

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In single Parents Dating, life does not offer perfect family settings that we imagine it should. Sometimes circumstances make us go our separate ways when we notice a missing ingredient. If you are alone again, you should know that you are supposed to walk back into the dating scene but only when you are ready. "Kids are no object" kind of mentality helps a lot in single parent dating.

 Normally as a single parent you will experience confused feelings and fears. Many are the times we ask "Is it me who is supposed to be busy playing the dating game or is it my teenage daughter? "You should not have such an attitude. You are going to afford time to date as well as take care of your family if it becomes one of your agendas. Dating for single parents can invoke guilty feelings. Some people start thinking that they are offending their children while dating.

Single parents who are in the process of gaining support and custody of their children are usually in dangerous emotional conflicts. The confusion, anger and frustration affect most single parents dating. This especially affects fathers who suffer from a condition popularly known as "fathers' depression". This is because they are mostly subjected to paying many child-support bills and the sad part is that they are usually deprived of being with their children as much as they would wish. With the escalating numbers of young girls who are producing babies outside marriage and the sky rocketing divorce cases there are many single parents dating. Dating for single parents is done with some hopes of finding a mate who would help them raise the children. Some single people appreciate the idea of attaining an instant family through marrying a single parent. "Ready made" families are fun to have. Give it a trial. 

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Dating for single parents means being purely selfless. It calls for a lot of perseverance and understanding. Jane who was a never married single lady with no kids got married to a single father of one girl. Soon she started becoming resentful towards her spouse claiming that he was spending most of his time with his ex-wife and the daughter. She felt so threatened that she quit. It all depends on how much the other person is willing to accept the change in responsibilities. Single parents dating should make a routine of communicating through their problems and making compromises. Do not reject your responsibilities as a parent though your partner resents you. Deal with the initial resistance and if it persists consider dropping the relationship.

All single parents want to be good parents to be emulated by their children. Dating for single parents make them fulfilled and this happiness always spill over and is mostly reflected with how they treat their children. They are psychologically prepared for all their children reactions towards their dating. Single parents dating are faced with a bad perception from the children that the new lover is a stranger who is out to sabotage their fantasy. Understand that your children will not be happy with the new catch since he will in one way or another steal some of your attention from them.

Dating Tips for Women With Children

If you are a single mother, you know how hard it can be to go through life alone with your children.  Although it might not be a priority right away, eventually you will want to start dating and meeting men again. When you get back into the dating world, it is important that you follow these dating advice tips to make things go as smoothly as possible.

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Tip 1: Be up front with your children, depending on how old they are. If they are old enough to understand dating, it is important that you let them know what you are doing.

Tip 2: Be up front about the fact that you have children when you meet someone new. They will let you know right away whether or not they are comfortable dating someone who already has children.

Tip 3: Don't be offended if a guy you meet doesn't want to start a relationship with someone who already has kids. This can be difficult for both parties involved, and it does put more pressure on the relationship.

Tip 4: Decide whether or not you would be okay with having more children with a new mate. A new guy that you are dating might want to have biological children of his own.

Tip 5: Online dating is often the easiest for women who have children. This is one of the best dating advice tips I could give you because it allows you to say you have children up front before anybody even messages you, and you can do this from home without having to find a babysitter.
Dating advice tips are important for women who have children. This will be a big step in your life and in the lives of your children, so it is important that you make your decisions with them in mind.

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What To Consider When Dating a Single Dad

Dating a man with children can be tricky. Scheduling time alone together, getting along with the kids and learning not to offer parenting advice can be difficult. As a couple, many times you will not be free to do as you wish and you have to be mature enough to understand this. Dating a guy with kids is not for the faint-of-heart, although if you truly love him and his kids, it can have a multitude of rewards. Here are a few things you should know about dating a guy with kids.
When you first start dating a guy with kids, you will probably hear a lot of negative comments from friends and family. They will discourage you from becoming involved with him and tell you things like the kids may not like you, you may have trouble with his ex, you'll never have fun again or you are flat-out ruining your life. Listen, but don't let their advice change your mind if you are truly committed to the relationship. If all works out, his kids can bring great joy to your life.

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Be flexible about your time together

When kids are involved, you never know when an emergency will arise, so you can't always expect plans to go perfectly. Kids get sick, babysitters aren't always available or school projects are suddenly due tomorrow and dad has to help. If the mother is in the picture, there's always the chance she can't take the kids as planned. Try to be flexible about scheduling dates and understand that you won't always come first because your guy has other responsibilities, too.

Bite your tongue about parenting advice

You may have different ideas on parenting than your man but unless he asks for your advice, try to keep it to yourself. He and his ex are responsible for raising their children and you could cause friction between everyone if you tell him how to parent. Until you are involved in the day-to-day raising of his children, keep your advice to yourself unless asked.

Stay on friendly terms with his ex

If you interact at all with the children's mother, be cordial and try to stay on good terms with her. You don't have to become best friends, just be polite when you see her. If your relationship with him and the children continues to grow, you will have to deal with the ex often so staying on good terms will make life easier. If she dislikes you anyway, just ignore her. Never talk about her in a negative way to the children and just stay out of her way, if possible, to keep the peace.

Don't take it personally if his child dislikes you

You can be the nicest, coolest person on the planet, but if a child decides he isn't going to like you, there is little you can do. Your guy's child has probably experienced either the breakup of his parents or of one or more of his father's girlfriends, so he may not want to get close to you for a long time. Or he may see you as competition for his own mother. Whatever the problem is, it is something the child needs to resolve in his own time. Be polite to the child, don't get caught up in his anger and just wait it out. He will probably come around eventually.

Suggest not meeting his kids for at least 6 months

When you get involved with a man with children, you are involved with him and the children. Waiting to meet the children until after your relationship together is strong is best. That way, if you both decide to call it quits, the children haven't already become attached to you and won't feel the pain of the breakup, too.

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Live A Full Life As A Single Parent

Single Parents often suffer at the hands of an empty social life. Busy days juggling work and children can pave the way for lonely, empty nights in front of the TV. Then there are school holidays, a  stressful time for parents if they are home or away.  Single parent holidays are not widely advertised, but with such a vast growth in single parent families, this is the kind of service single parents are  crying out for.  Nearly a quarter of children lived with only one parent last year and nine out of 10 of those households were headed by lone mothers. People need a way to feel supported and be able to reach out to other single parents who are struggling in the same position. Community sites for single parents are a great way to do this.

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It is easy to make friends with other members of community sites and many websites organise days out and accompanied holidays where you can meet up with new friends. Going on holiday can be a daunting time for a single parent with booking flights and accommodation, organisation of the kids and altogether stressful travel. There is also the fact that once the kids are off enjoying themselves it leaves little stimulation for you. Hardly an appealing break. That is where community sites specializing in single parenting can lend a hand. Single parent holidays offered by social networking sites take the pressure off by planning trips to suit holiday goer's individual needs. They cater for small and large families and as a member of a large group, child care becomes easier. This is not the only benefit. Going on holiday with new people can kick start firm friendships. Single parent  holidays also often play a part in bringing couples together, resulting in new relationships.

Single parent dating can be a much harder page to navigate than general dating. Childcare must be arranged and there is simply less time to spend dating than in the past. Many people are scared off by the thought of starting a relationship with someone who has dependents. Children can also be a difficult subject to raise over dinner on a first date and potentially, not the perfect ice breaker. Parents also often feel left out of the "adult world" due to the constraints of parenthood. Often the time is spent between work and taking care of the children rather than going out with friends or dates. Single parent sites can help to alleviate many of these problems. Dating through a widely used social networking site enables single parents to meet like-minded people and eventually to meet up as part of a group. With the help of the internet, single parents can stop feeling alone and learn that there are many others out there in the same boat who need just as much support. Get involved with single parent holidays and single parent dating by using social networking sites and kick start a new social life today.

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