14 July 2015

5 Tips for Men Who are Dating Women with Kids

Single Parent Dating UK
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When dating women with kids, there are a few things you have to realize. Not only does she have other priorities, you also have to realize you won't always be the first thing on her list. Soccer games, ballet, taking them to trips; these are just a few of the things a single mom has to do, when she is caring for her kids alone. For men who are dating women with kids, these are a few tips that can help you out, especially early on in a relationship, to ensure things will work out, and to ensure jealousy isn't a problem in your relationship. 

1 Know you aren't her first priority -
Sometimes, you are going to come second, or even third. If the kids play sports, if they are young and need attention at all times, if they are in special activities or have a doctor's appointment, she has to tend to these things first. By realizing you aren't the only person in her life, and giving her room to take care of and be with the kids (better yet, helping out when possible), will allow you to keep a happy, healthy relationship. 

2. Patience is a virtue -
You have to realize things will go wrong; when she has kids, this means:
- Doctor appointments.
- Babysitter cancelling last minute.
- School recitals and plays.

These are only a few of the many things a single mom has to deal with; when you are dating women with kids, you must be patient. If you get mad every time she has to cancel a date, or can't go out on a trip you planned, the relationship is going to be short lived. Over time, you will get used to these things. But, early on, you have to be patient, and not get angry, when things don't go your way. 

3. Don't be her second (or third) child -
A single mom has to move quickly, adapt, and already has children to take care of; don't act like a child, and expect her to do the same for you. Show her you can take care of things; help prepare dinner with the kids if she is running late, offer to pick the kids up if she gets stuck at work. Doing these small things not only shows you care about her (and the kids), but also shows you are committed to making it work, and want to be with her, regardless of what else is going on in her busy life. 

4. Talk about the kids -
You don't have to answer to dad, but you do have to show you have an interest in kids, especially hers. When dating women with kids, it is important to do things, and plan your dates and activities around them. Invite them to a ball game, go out to the park with them, and plan weekend dates, which include the kids. You have to understand she is a mother first; when you show her you like kids, and have built a bond with her kids, it will really help the relationship flourish, and will allow you to move forward as a happy couple. 

5. Give her space -
If she says she needs to take a few days off, or can't see you for some time, let her have that space. Don't coerce her to get a babysitter, or stay away from the kids; this will cause a divide. Sometimes, she needs to spend time with her kids, and you need to allow her to do that. When you start asking her to choose between you and the kids, this is going to mark the beginning of the end of a relationship that you want to be in. 

It takes time, practice, and things won't always come easy, when dating women with kids. But, if you really want to make it work, if you want to be with her, and if you care about her, these are a few tips which can help you out, especially early on in a new relationship. Not all relationships are the same, but it is going to take some time to get used to having the kids around, especially if you don't have, or have never wanted, to have kids of your own.

Single Parent Dating UK
Single Parent Dating AUSTRALIA
Single Parent Dating - SOUTH AFRICA

8 July 2015

Dating After Divorce: How To You Tell Your Kids

Single Parent Dating UK
Single Parent Dating AUSTRALIA
Single Parent Dating - SOUTH AFRICA

We all know divorce creates havoc in any family’s life, especially when children are involved. Moving on after divorce can also be challenging. It’s a time to be very gentle, both with yourself as well as with your children.
Chances are, you made a considerable emotional investment in your marriage. Having seen that relationship fail can make you insecure about facing new relationships ahead. But if you take the time to go within, learn from your mistakes, understand the lessons from your marriage and determine new ways to approach future relationships, at some point you will feel ready to step back out into the dating world again. Then you face the challenge of breaking the news to your children. 

Be Sensitive and Empathic!
Of course the age of your children will play a big part in how to talk to them about your starting to date. The rapport you have with them and closeness within your own relationship with the kids will also play a part in this difficult conversation.
Remember, your children are smarter than you think. They can pick up on your emotions and when you’re telling untruths. It’s best to be honest about your feelings regarding bringing another potential partner into your life. But be very sensitive about their emotions on this topic.
Let your children know you’re healing, feeling better about yourself and are now ready to explore meeting new friends. Remind them how much you love them, how important they are in your life, and that dating has nothing to do with replacing them – ever! Explain that you will still be the attentive parent you’ve always been and that they always come first in your life. Be very clear that no one will ever replace their other parent either!
You may need to have this conversation many times over several weeks or months to give your kids time to digest the concept and express how they feel about what you are saying. Encourage them to ask questions and share their opinions. Be patient and understanding of their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it
Be Selective in Choosing Partners!
Don’t introduce your children to every new person you date. You can let them know that you are going out with friends every once in a while, if they ask, but don’t bring causal relationship partners into their world. This can be confusing for children and disappointing for them if the new partner they meet disappears or gets replaced a few weeks or months later.
When you do find a person you are seriously involved with, prepare the children in advance for the first meetings. Spend short intervals together and let the exposure build over time. Ask the kids for their feedback. Discuss their feelings. Watch how your partner behaves with them. Make sure the kids never feel threatened by the thought they are losing their Mom or Dad to a stranger. How you approach adding a new partner into your life will affect their long-term relationship with the children. So be careful, considerate and empathetic in all your actions. Needless to say, make sure you choose a partner who treats your children well.
Children who have close relationships with both biological parents are more likely to accept a new parent partner into their lives without distress. Because they feel safe in their relationship with Mom and Dad, they are less likely to be threatened by a new adult entering the picture. When one biological parent disrespects and disparages the other parent, it puts the children on the defensive, making them much more likely to reject a new relationship partner entering the family dynamic.
So take your time when transitioning into dating after divorce. Move slowly when opening the door to new relationships that will be affecting your children. Putting yourself in their place will give you insight into what it can be like to find Mom or Dad with a new partner. Talking with a therapist or relationship coach can be quite helpful as you transition into this next phase of your life.