7 December 2016

How To Get Through The Legal Process of Divorce In One Piece

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Divorces will always evoke a variety of emotions ranging from anger and fear to doubt and sadness. Whatever you may currently be experiencing, it is important to remember that these feelings will pass and you must get proactive about your future. Anyone who is currently going through this legal situation should keep these tips in mind so that they can get out of divorce court in one piece.

Stay on Good Terms Whenever Possible

This is probably the single most difficult tip for any spouse, but a little restraint early on can help you avert huge problems later. There are sure to be some hard feelings and discontent, but couples should refrain from arguments whenever possible. Any slander, threats, or accusations that are said throughout this process could be used against the person in court or during mediation.

Start Collecting Information Early

You should collect and organize every scrap of paperwork that involves personal property, mutual property, bank accounts, retirement accounts, or payments as early as possible. This will maximize your time with the paralegal or attorney when the paperwork must be filed and the legal process begins.

Put Children First

Anywhere from 40 to 50 percent of all first marriages end up in a divorce, and this means that millions of children are thrown into these life-altering situations. Parents should realize that the judge will put a child’s well-being before almost everything else including the assets. If parents assume that their children will come first, they will be much more prepared for what is about to take place in the courtroom.

Do I Need Legal Help?

A healthy divorce may seem unlikely, but it is possible. Even if a couple is coming to a mutual agreement, no one should ever hesitate to reach out to an attorney. A parent may never know exactly what will take place in the coming years, and major life changes such as an ex-wife or husband getting remarried or wanting to move away with the kids is something that must be accounted for. Even if you want to try arbitration rather than divorce court, a firm in your area can give you a better sense of the process and things you must have in order.

Stagger Major Changes

A divorce will almost always mean that you are going to go through some major life changes. Instead of attempting to carry out all of these changes in those first few weeks or months, it is a better idea to stagger them out across the year. Attempting to sell a house, buy a new house, switch careers, and change your child’s school all at once can be disastrous and it will be reflected in the court proceedings.
A divorce is a major life event and will require you to make some serious long-term choices. Taking the time to accommodate for these changes early on will help reduce some of the stress and anxiety during the legal process.

29 July 2016

Single Mother In Search of a Partner? Awareness is Vital to Your Success

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Single mothers who wish to find a partner with whom to develop a serious and successful relationship need to be aware of their expectations and needs and share these with the prospective partner. If he will do likewise they increase the likelihood of becoming able to develop and nurture a satisfying intimacy.

With the new world-wide sociological-cultural trends, as gay marriage and children’s adoption by married gays and lesbians, more and more highly-educated women opt to have a child without a partner. Although most of them would have wanted to have a father for their children, they don’t seem to be successful at developing a long-lasting relationship with a man. One reason being, that there are still quite a few number of men who prefer their women to have less education than them, while the highly-educated women prefer men with equal or higher education to theirs.

Studies show that most women who opt to have a child on their own are not only highly-educated, but also have a well-paying job, both of which give them the feeling of independence. Due to the seriousness of their decision, most single women take a year and a half to finalize their decision about becoming a mother. Indeed, they would have preferred not to be a single mother, but in the absence of a “suitable partner” they opt to go ahead with artificial insemination. 

Many of the single mothers still wish to have a partner to share their life with. They know that, now that they have a child, it might not be easy for them to be attracted to a man. The man, on his part, might know that the single woman might be too engulfed with taking care of her child and that it might come at the expense of being attentive for him and to their relationship.
When a single mother and a prospective partner begin dating, feeling they’d like to develop an intimate bond, both need to be aware of the relationship they are upon to enter. Open communication, sharing of expectations and understanding each other’s perception of reality is an essential part in their attempts at building a satisfying intimacy. Being aware of doing things with the child as well as by themselves is another component of the relationship which determines the success or failure of their bond. 

The beginning of their relationship – like so many others – is often not an indication as to how things between them will develop in the future. As much as they might “fall in love” and move quickly into an “intimate relationship”, they might need to keep in mind that due to the special situation they are in they need to take things slowly and think carefully about their next move and steps. They need therefore to be attentive to their individual needs and wishes as well as to their partner’s. After all, getting into a relationship where a small child is involved is not like entering just any other relationship between two adults. 

The more the single mother is aware of her expectations (as well as fears) about a partner, and the more the man who gets involved with her is aware of his own expectations and fears; and the more they are open to share their respected “piece of mind” with each other, the better equipped they are to develop a satisfying, enduring intimacy.

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Guaranteed Breakup Advice to Pull You Through Troubling Times

Breaking up is always difficult.  What you need is guaranteed breakup advice to help you pull through the days and weeks following your breakup. While this is not a one size fits all solution by any means these steps will provide you some degree of comfort despite your heartache. They may even give you a little bit of hope for the future. You'll have to make that decision for yourself though. 

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Don't Get Angry with the World
The world is going to keep turning despite your broken heart. It will do no good to get angry at the world. More importantly, staying angry really doesn't accomplish much at all. It takes so much energy and effort to maintain and is rarely productive. Instead, try keeping your chin up and fostering a positive attitude. It may take a little more initial effort but positive attitudes are contagious and if you infect everyone around you it will be much more difficult for you to remain angry.

Take Back Control of Your Life
There's nothing like putting yourself in the driver's seat again to give you a strong sense of empowerment. When you are dumped or someone breaks up with you it feels as though the power in your life has been taken away from you. Start with small things to put yourself back in control. Take classes. Learn new skills. Get a new job. These small things you can do will make y\u feel much more in control of your own destiny.

Figure out why Your Relationship Failed
Taking the time to learn what went wrong can help you prevent making the same mistakes in future relationships. It might take a little while to get to the real heart of the matter but it's an effort that will be worth its weight in gold and effort when future relationships benefit from this newfound insight.
A little hint you might find useful is this: few relationships end for the most obvious reasons. You'll probably have to dig a little bit to find the real reason for the breakup.

Consider Getting Your Ex Back
Sometimes there's nothing in the world that will take the place of getting your ex back for healing your broken heart. Some relationships are just impossible to move on from. Decide now if that is the only solution for you so you can begin making plans for a future or whether it's time to move on and seek new relationships.

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The Main Reasons Why Men Cheat

Men cheat. Women cheat. People cheat. It’s true. The question many of us have is, why?
So what is the MAIN reason men cheat?
The answer may surprise you. Most women assume men cheat because of sexual attraction – but in fact, they don’t. According to studies of men who have cheated in serious relationships or marriages, they cheated because they were emotionally dissatisfied in their relationships. An overwhelming majority were feeling underappreciated and emotionally disconnected from their partner. This can be an underlying feeling that’s been happening over time, or it can be sudden.
This isn’t to say that sex doesn’t play a role AT ALL in men’s infidelity. Sex is an integral part of a healthy relationship, and for that reason if a guy is in an emotionally satisfying relationship that’s sexually deficient, it’s likely he’ll look for it elsewhere.

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So how physical was it?
Of course, when someone engages in a physical affair they’re most likely attracted to them. However (and again somewhat surprisingly), in multiple studies almost 90% of men surveyed who had cheated did NOT describe the woman they cheated with as being more attractive than their partner.

When does it happen?
Another reason men cheat is to get affirmation that they’re still desirable to the opposite sex – and not the person they’re in a long-term relationship with. Harmless flirting is fine; but when a man is insecure enough about his waning mojo, he’ll seek out women outside of his relationship to confirm he still “has it.” (Of course there are also men who simply enjoy the art of sneaking around, and we hope you stay far away from that type of guy.)

And where do most men meet the women they have affairs with?
Many men who begin to feel underappreciated at home seek out admiration and respect in the workplace. Often these flirtations start out as emotional connections and then progress to the physical. When men have trouble talking with their partners or feel as though they’ve lost a spark in their relationship (mental, physical or otherwise), it’s easy to lean on female acquaintances and friends whom they’re around most often: from 9 to 5.

Other influences that cause men to cheat?
These include getting an extra thrill, being around friends who have also or are currently cheating on a spouse or partner, and feeling as though their partner has changed. If a man feels like his girlfriend or wife has become less caring or has stopped being romantic, it can cause him to seek affection from other women. If she’s vastly different from the girl he feels he fell in love with, he’ll want to find what he used to have with her…somewhere else.

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Ways You Can Reduce Your Man Becoming a Cheater

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Cheating sucks.   So what are three ways you can reduce the likelihood your man turns into a cheater?

1. Don’t lose sight of your well-being/health
Being in a long-term relationship can create a sense of comfort, which is great! But make sure you don’t get too comfortable. For instance, don’t quit wearing make up altogether or make your daily uniform sweatpants and an old tee. Of course this is a completely appropriate outfit for a night in with your guy, but dressing up sometimes will help remind him of your femininity and beauty. Keep your fitness and diet regimen the same as when you two got together!
Just because you’re committed to each other, it doesn’t mean you should stop caring about your waistline or your overall general health. Keeping this up will also help keep your confidence up–and that’s one thing that all guys can agree is HOT.

2. Keep communication open
If you’ve found that something seems odd or missing, it may be time to open up the lines of communication, a la “Hey babe? I noticed we haven’t been doing our regular date night for the last few weeks. How do you feel about renewing that tradition?” This is an example of a nonconfrontational way to rejuvenate the romantic (and important) part of your relationship.
Accepting that you’re both “busy” or that maybe this is just a phase doesn’t cut it. Turn up the volume on your voice and say what you need to say. It’s better to step out of denial and into a solution so you can give your relationship a chance to change and grow over time.

3. Along with the emotional part of your relationship, keep the physical part fresh!

Don’t let your activities in the bedroom get stale. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself and your man how fiery your chemistry was at the start of your relationship. Reenact one of your first dates, plan a weekend away, or settle in for a “stay-cation.”

Some of the best advice I ever got way back when was this: Never go longer than three days (yes, THREE) without having sex with your partner. Sure, you’re tired. And yes, maybe the garlic from dinner makes you feel less than pretty. So what?! We promise that once you get into the groove, your mind will tune into your body and a connection will be established. Busy lives can’t get in the way of maintaining a physical connection.

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20 July 2016

Looking For Love After Divorce? Don't Repeat Your Past Mistakes

Don't Repeat Past Mistakes. Follow These Three Tips
Looking for love after divorce? Here are three tips to help as you begin dating after your divorce.

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1. Be suspicious if it all seems “too good to be true” – it probably is.
If your subconscious, neurotic needs are running the show, it’s fabulous at first and then horrible. If your common sense is running it, it starts out tentative, and grows stronger when you meet the right person. If your friends are worried about this relationship, listen to them. They could be wrong, but what if they’re right? You need to find out.

2. You shouldn’t feel like you always know what to do. You and this new person are doing a new thing.
Seek to work as a team to figure it out as you go along. If either one of you is in charge, there’s probably a problem. If you’re working together, even though it’s not too smooth, it’s probably going OK.

3. Don’t keep secrets.
Talk about past relationship issues, and be willing to share your emotions and reactions with each other.  Getting to know each other is the key to developing a working relationship. Don’t follow some set of mental rules – they’re always a trap from your childhood – don’t repeat your early family. That style doesn’t suit who you are as an adult. Instead, seek to learn something new, about yourself and about each other. If you’re afraid that telling the truth will upset your partner, you need to test that right away, to find out if you can get through the problem. Screwing things up is the way to find out if you can fix them together.

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1 July 2016

Do Abandonment Fears Repeatedly Sabotage Your Relationships?

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Do you know that the fear of abandonment is a major impediment to ever having or sustaining a successful and healthy relationship? Do you know most people who find themselves unconsciously sabotaging their relationships harbour this fear deep within them? Do you know that this fear often arises from early negative memories of abandonment imprinted in the subconscious mind from early childhood?
Finally do you know that now for the first time in human history it is a) possible to completely and permanently delete/erase such memories and by doing so b) concurrently erase/delete the fear itself from within thereby eradicating the tendency to sabotage relationships based on this fear?

When one experiences some form of significant abandonment as a child the negative memory of the event becomes "downloaded" within the subconscious mind and recedes completely from the person's awareness. Its presence and effects however are not forgotten.
The person, without realising it often will feel themselves to be anxious, insecure, nervous, and vulnerable whenever an important person/partner/friend happens to leave or disappear even for short periods of time.
The person in question, will often become panicked, feel out of control, unconsciously resort to some form of needy, controlling, attention seeking or manipulative behaviour that will invariably create greater tension in that/those relationships thereby leading to a potential fresh abandonment experience/event.

Another way of saying all of this is that the original abandonment experience behaves like an unhealed wound that must be guarded from resurging into conscious awareness because the pain laden within it is too unbearable.  Unfortunately the tendency to ward off this event leads to a repeat of the very same event, further abandonment and further pain.  This can create an interminable spiral downwards into isolation, depression, panic and a life that feels overwhelming and intolerable.

The only way out of this downward spiral is the complete and permanent erasure/deletion of the original negative (and subsequent) memories of abandonment from the subconscious mind. Many might refer to this as the healing of the original wound but actually is more than that; it is fundamentally a profound empowerment phenomenon.
The erasure of these memories effectively leaves the individual feeling like the event never actually took place. Although this may be difficult to conceive and believe it is actually now a reality.
Consequently with such an erasure the person begins to feel whole, complete, strong, resilient, in charge of themselves, self confident, self assured, emotionally independent, self sufficient, clear, healthy and like their True Empowered Authentic Self i.e. the self "before" the event ever took place.

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25 June 2016

Is Needing Someone The Same As Loving Them?

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When one thinks about what it means to love someone or for someone else to love them, they are likely to have an idea in mind. This idea could also be backed up by a certain feeling or a combination of feelings.  What it means to one person is not necessarily going to be the same as what it means for someone else. Now this could be because one person has an outlook that is different, or it could be that one person’s outlook is healthy and the other person’s outlook isn’t.

Give And Take
If one has a healthy outlook of what love is they are going to realise that it is partly about sharing and receiving. This doesn’t mean that one will give and then they will receive straight away; as this not how it always works.
However, if one was to always give or to always receive and didn’t return the favour, it would be a clear sign that something isn’t right. In each moment, there may be differences when it comes to whether each person gives or takes, but these differences should balance out as time passes.

Yet, just because one has a healthy outlook of what love is, it doesn’t mean that this is what they experience. There is then what is taking place in their mind, and there is what is taking place externally.  When this takes happens, it is not uncommon for one to come to the conclusion that they are unlucky or even a victim of circumstances. This would mean that one is blaming the external world for what is occurring in their life.
Another approach would be for them to put themselves down and to act as if there is something inherently wrong with them. In this case, they are the ones with the problem and not others. One could also alternate between the two options.

The Hidden Influence
If the outlook that one has is mirrored back to them through the relationships that they have, they won’t be experiencing conflict. At the same time, this doesn’t mean their life has always been this way; as they might have experienced conflict in the past.
When one is unable to fulfill the outlook that they have in their mind, it could be because of what is taking place in their body. The words ‘could be’ are used as one’s outlook might not be realistic, and this is why they are unable to fulfill the outlook in their mind.

The Body
However, with that aside, what is taking place in their body will play a big role when it comes to whether they can fulfill what is taking place in their mind. If one’s body only feels safe when they are giving, it will make it hard for them to attract people who are willing to give to them.  Just as if one only feels safe when they are receiving it will make it hard for them to give to others. So whether one identifies with the former or the latter or alternatives between the two, it will still make it hard for them to experience love in a balanced.

The Giver
One could be in a position where they are attracted to people who need them. This means that one will fulfill the other person’s needs and their needs will end up being ignored.
The other person might come across as needy and they might always need to be rescued from something or someone. Either way, one will end up feeling more like the other person’s parent than their partner and it will have a negative effect on their relationship.

The Taker
The other option is for one to be attracted to someone because they need them. In this case, they will only care about getting their own needs met and not on meeting the other persons needs.  Due to how they come across, the other person may be only too happy to be there for them and to not expect anything in return. And as one is acting like a child that needs to be looked after, it will lead to a relationship that is out of balance.

A Deeper Look
Although each person is playing a role that is stopping them from having a fulfilling relationship, it is going to be what feels safe at a deeper level. If they were to change their behaviour, there is the chance that they would feel uncomfortable.  The role that each person is playing as an adult is likely to be the same role they played as a child. And as one still feels the same, they are going to continue to behave in the same way and to attract people who allow them to replay their childhood all over again.

One may have had to look after their caregivers and this would have meant that their needs were generally ignored. The connection that they had to their caregiver’s was not based on live; it was based on them fulfilling their caregiver’s needs.
This then sets one up to associate love with need and if they go against this, it is likely to trigger the feeling of being abandoned. To be abandoned at this age would have caused one to feel as though they were going to die.

The Other Experience
When one is unable to give and is only focused on receiving, they may have had caregivers who neglected them in another way. They were still fulfilling their caregiver’s needs, but instead of them having to act like mini adults, they were made to feel special.
Their true-self would have remained undeveloped and they wouldn’t have received the care that they needed in order grow up. The fear of being abandoned is likely to exist, but this is likely to be covered up by the fear of being smothered.

If one is out of balance and is unable to receive or to give, it will be a sign that they have work to do on themselves. When it comes to moving forward, one of the things that one will need to do is to grieve their unmet childhood needs.
This can take place through the assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group.

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10 June 2016

How Do I Start Dating After Divorce And When?

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Divorced women offer so much to a relationship because they know what it takes to be in a serious, committed relationship. They've had all their experiences, been there and done that, so to speak; and so they're the best partner.
We all know divorce is emotionally, physically and financially draining and everyone processes all those things at their own rate. It's not a matter of getting over the divorce as much as it is getting over the marriage and all the things that transpired in that.

Make sure that you are ready to date by giving yourself enough time to heal all the wounds. Make sure you have a chance to deal with your loss and your grief and your anger and really move past your previous relationship before you jump into the dating arena.

Start with self-awareness. Start with examining your values and your goals, what's important to you. Really know yourself first and be happy being single before you venture out for a life partner. It will take at least six months to do this well. 

When you are ready, start thinking about what you require of a man. Your deal breakers - things that absolutely must be there or it's not going to work. For example, he must be honest, respectful, passionate, and interdependent. You have to know your requirements in order to have them met. Identify all those.

What are your emotional and functional needs? What might be important to you in the person you want to become involved with? For example, is he organized, a good communicator, affectionate, loyal, patient. When we have unmet needs, relationships don't last and resentment sets in. It's just not going to work out.

Lastly, what do you want in a man? That's the icing on the cake, so to speak. Do you want a man who is tall, dark and handsome? Do you want a muscular man? These are wants, not deal breakers. In other words, if the man did not have those physical attributes, it could still work.
If you take the time to reflect upon your marital relationship and see what went well and what didn't, you actually can use that experience to help you. You can learn from it so that you know what you want and don't want this time around.

How do you figure out what kind of a relationship you're looking for? Maybe you just want companionship. Maybe you just want some sort of physical relationship. How can you determine what it is you're looking for?  As part of your reflections on what kind of a man you want, you must think about what kind of a relationship you want also. That's why before you jump into the dating pool; you need to do your homework. Know what you want. Develop your own self-awareness about what's important to you and stick with those intentions.

So you need to just be patient and make sure that you do a lot of reflection and understand what it is you want out of a man and out of a relationship. Just take it easy and slow and don't have too many expectations. Just get out there and see what happens and be secure and comfortable and confident in the knowledge of what you want.

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5 April 2016

Grieving the End of the Marriage – 4 Steps to Begin Healing

 Divorce is a word that we see and hear everywhere. In our daily lives divorce attorneys solicit their services in commercials, billboards, print media and flyers. Television shows and films trivialize divorce as it's cloaked in steamy affairs, romanticized depictions of fragmented families and crimes of passion and revenge.


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But the word divorce means something entirely different to someone who is experiencing it in real time. Divorce can be correlated with another "D" word, disaster. Experts in the Mental health field say that the pain divorce creates rivals grieving the death of a loved one.
Despite the prevalence of divorce, Grief is an emotion and subject that no one talks about.  

Four steps you can take to begin healing.
Whilst the legal side of divorce can follow a neat linear process, the emotional side and grief of a break up does not. Perhaps can you relate? Many describe their experience as a rollercoaster of emotions, with highs, lows and times where they feel their whole life has been turned upside down.
Despite the pain, many people suffering after the end of their marriage do not identify it as grief. One man said he never saw divorce coming. Whichever way the marriage ends, the pain in the final years, months and aftermath is intense and often unbearable.
Many report feeling fine one day or week, then one day something triggers them and they feel like they are back to square one. It is true that Grief can come in waves, we cannot control it and that scares some people, so they will do anything to avoid feeling it. But no matter how difficult, we need to experience the painful feelings in order to heal. If we avoid or try to medicate our feelings with other substances the pain can stay longer and limit our recovery.
Many struggle not knowing how to deal with these uncomfortable feelings. The problem is they end up trying to distract themselves with food, alcohol, medication, overworking, overspending or becoming obsessed with TV/ Social Media or exercise. These coping mechanisms don't work as long-term solutions or serve people. 

Common symptoms of grief
If you are concerned about yourself or someone you care about. Here are some common symptoms of grief: low energy, loss of appetite or opposite cannot stop eating, emptiness, headaches, mood swings, extreme tiredness, changes in body temperature - either really cold or really hot. These symptoms are similar to depression and according to the grief recovery institute, people following a loss are often mislabeled and misdiagnosed as being depressed, when in actual fact they have unresolved grief. They argue as grief is a natural and normal reaction to loss of ANY kind, the treatment should be natural.
So what losses are associated with Marital Separation and Divorce?
Adults and children after a break up may experience:
•Loss of company and having the person around
•Loss of security
•Loss of trust (when the marriage broke down and during divorce)
•Loss of safety
•Loss of faith or belief in marriage and family values
•Loss of support (whether it was emotional, physical, financial, psychological)
•Loss of home, school / job change (if moving) familiar environment
•Loss of dreams, hopes and expectations of the future (this can often be harder to deal with than the physical losses)

So how can you begin to heal from these losses and the grief?

Step 1 - Make Your Needs a Priority
Following the aftermath of a break up and divorce you need to look after yourself and put your needs first. This involves ensuring you do not take on too much or do too much for others, eat well, sleep well and make time for rest and relaxation. The whole recovery process is harder to deal with if you are running on empty, or putting others before yourself. In order to be of any help to anyone else and to get through the legal and financial process of divorce, you need to be in the best state you can be.

Step 2 - Understand the Myths about Grief
As Grief is rarely talked about, there are a lot of myths and misconceptions about grief and how to deal with it. In order to begin to heal from grief you must first understand what these myths are. Like time heals, be strong, replace the loss.

Step 3 - Feel Your Emotions
Feel and acknowledge the painful feelings that come up. Cry if you need too, feel sad, angry if that is what comes up, let that be OK. Don't try to push them down or distract yourself. Instead sit in peace quietly and feel them. Be aware of what is behind any anger, anxiety, resentment, guilt. This is step is important, as we cannot deal with or move on from what we repress and do not feel.

Step 4 - Express Your Emotions
Not sure why or how expressing our true feelings and thoughts with another living being helps, but it does! This is what treatments for grief recovery, addiction recovery, psychiatry and therapy are all based on. They all highlight the importance of expressing and sharing thoughts and feelings with other people, groups and one to one. The key thing to remember here is to find someone you totally trust, someone who will listen wholeheartedly to you, without trying to fix you.
In times of separation and divorce, you may hear people say "you'll find someone else" "don't worry you'll be fine" "don't feel bad at least you know what they are like now" "bad things happen for a reason" comments like this don't help and can cause individuals to isolate themselves from others further. This is extremely sad, because separation and divorce is a time when people need care and love from others the most. Loneliness adds additional pain to this already difficult time. If you have no close friends or family you can talk too, consider talking to a coach or calling a help line.

27 January 2016

Were You Cheated on? Moving Forward after Infidelity

Were you cheated on?

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  • It is absolutely vital for you to move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time.
  • Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse's behavior or sympathizing with him/her is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's not your fault.
  • Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters.
  • Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.
  • If your partner wants back in, he/she will have to earn his/her way back into the relationship. Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.
  • There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, "That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You just go do whatever you're going to do because I'm not going to live like this anymore." Don't stay together for the children. Remember, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They're much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure.
  • If there was a child born of the infidelity, understand that your spouse will forever have a relationship with that child's other parent. You have to make the decision about whether you can resolve to be part of that or not.
    Did you have an affair?
  • Own the problems that you created by having an affair. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge.
  • It is unfair to compare a new, exciting, taboo fantasy relationship to one you've been in for years where there are kids, bills to pay, a house to run and noses to wipe. That is a ridiculous comparison.
  • In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100 percent. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while you're still having it.
  • Don't rely on your heart to tell you what to do; rely on your intellect. Do what logic tells you is the right thing to do.
  • Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work.
  • Ask yourself: What are you doing to help your partner get past the affair?
  • Be mature enough to recognize that life is not always all about you and what feels good for you in the moment. If you are married and have children, you have an obligation and a commitment that far transcends what feels good.
  • Help the partner who did not have the affair find emotional closure. You must do whatever it takes until your partner finds it. If it requires you to check in with your spouse multiple times a day, then do it. It'll require you being where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so your spouse can trust you again. And you do it until.
  • If a child was born of the infidelity, you will have to have contact with the other person in order to be co-parents. And you do this the right way by not having any contact without your spouse's involvement. If you want to talk with the other person, then you do it with your spouse present.
  • Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating.
  • If your marriage is over and you have children, understand that your relationship with your ex will never end. You will always at least be co-parents of your children. Build a new relationship as their allies.
  • Do you know what a healthy relationship is? Figure out what you want and behave your way to success.
  • 6 January 2016

    Internet Dating: Do's and Don'ts

    Here is some Internet dating etiquette to help you along the way with any relationship questions you may have. With so many choices to make in life, it never hurts to receive advice from a relationship coach to help guide you through the various online dating websites.

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    Just as being honest ...Here is some Internet dating etiquette to help you along the way with any relationship questions you may have. With so many choices to make in life, it never hurts to receive advice from a relationship coach to help guide you through the various online dating websites.

    Just as being honest with your resume and cover letter is important when applying for a job through an online job bank, so it is with online dating websites and the profile you post. You want to market yourself to help make your profile stand out from the others.
    Below are some tips for helping you build an effective profile on the Internet and successful internet dating experiences:

    1. About your picture on the online dating website:
    • Do look friendly and approachable.
    • Do put the best picture possible on your profile.
    • Don’t put just any mug shot of you on your site.
    • Don’t be with other people. Dog, cat and kids are okay! 

    2. About your profile on the site:
    • Do include what’s unique about you and why someone may want to go out with you.
    • Do describe your values in the body of the profile. What’s fulfilling for you? What do you treasure?
    • Do try to be a descriptive as possible so the reader will experience what you do. (Help them see, smell and hear the beach) Put in a come play with me quality!
    • Don’t put stuff in your profile that is not putting your best foot forward.
    • Don’t lie! Be honest and upbeat. That doesn’t mean you have to tell all your faults! 

    3. Contacting each other:
    • Do go after quality and not quantity!
    • Do find something that you connect to. A cause or a passion.
    • Do email back and forth a couple of times to get a sense of a person: their way of thinking and how they express themselves.
    • Don’t be a pen pal! If the person is unwilling to talk on the phone, stop the interchange.
    • Do talk on the phone to gain further rapport.
    • Do trust your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t pursue any further.
    • Don’t talk on the phone for weeks without making plans to get together. 

    4. Meeting each other:
    • Do give each other cell phone numbers in case something happens on your way to the meeting.
    • Do meet in a public place for coffee during the day, if possible
    • Do “be yourself”.
    • Don’t run away if the person doesn’t look like what you thought.
    • Don’t give out too much information about yourself before you know the person better.
    • Some important dating advice for women: Don’t expect the man to pay. Be prepared to pay your share. It will be a nice surprise if he does offer to pay the tab.
    • Do give a nice person a second chance. Chemistry can develop over time.

    5. Following up
    • Do be honest about your level of interest in the person. They may know someone else you’d like to meet.
    • Do thank the person for a nice time and if someone paid.
    • Don’t say you’ll call and not call!
    • Don’t wait a month to call the woman if you liked her. She may have moved onto her next prospect
    Whether you’ve just recently started dating or you’re an experienced single, the above dating tips can benefit you as you refine your online dating profile. When in doubt, remember to consult with a close friend or a relationship coach with any relationship questions you may have. Good luck in your search!

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    2 January 2016

    4 Myths That Are Making It Hard For You To Find "Mr. Right"

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    Are you totally baffled as to why you only seem to attract men who are far from ideal for you? Are you tired of ending up with men who aren’t ready for the same type of relationship you want?
    Before you give up on the possibility of ever meeting guys who truly measure up and want what you desire in a relationship, you may want to take a look at how these 4 myths may be adversely affecting your ability to find "Mr. Right".

    1. You Believe you’ll “Just Know” When You Meet The Right Guy
    Because we’ve been programmed to believe that we can tell whether or not a guy is right for us based on the way he makes us feel, many women fail to take many other aspects of his character into account when determining if a guy would make a good mate for them.

    Although being physically attracted to and enjoying the companionship of a man should definitely be part of the equation, intense chemistry itself shouldn’t be your only reason for choosing to be in a long-term relationship.
    While it’s true that infatuation can be the beginning stage of love, and is the first indication that true love could be possible with a particular person, other essential criteria should be considered to determine if a healthy long-term commitment is possible.

    2. You Believe Good Men Are In Limited Supply
    The following expressions, “a good man is hard to find” and “all the good men are already taken” are so widely held as truth by single ladies everywhere, women not only rely on these two concepts to sooth their bruised egos and damaged self-esteem when a relationship goes awry; they’ve become the single woman’s mantra for being unable to find a suitable mate.

    Unfortunately, buying into this way of thinking not only causes women to all too often latch onto the first guy who shows the slightest interest and often settling for a man who’s more trouble than his worth; subscribing to the notion that good men are few and far between also causes women to spend way too much time trying to make a relationship work with the wrong guy.

    3. You’ve Bought Into The Myth That “All Men Are Dogs”
    While believing this stereotype may also provide some temporary comfort regarding your dilemma to land a good man, keep in mind that in order to attract what you really desire, your thoughts need to be consistent with your intentions.

    If your intention (to attract a good man) is in direct conflict with what you believe, (that all men only want one thing) for example, then what you believe will actually repel your desire.
    Furthermore, it’s important to understand that viewing all men negatively will adversely affect the way you interact with them.
    Okay, yes I realize that there are guys who are only after one thing or have ulterior motives for getting involved with women; but the fact is, there are also plenty of great men out there who are genuine, and also looking for something more meaningful than an occasional roll in the hay.

    4. You Believe You Can Make A Man with Potential into What You Want”
    Buying into this belief often causes women to invest a lot of time and effort in the hopes that with enough support and reassurance, he’ll become the man she really wants him to be.

    While there’s nothing wrong with being encouraging and supportive, you want to be careful not to take on the responsibility of getting a man to live up to his potential. That’s his job!
    The truth is, trying to make a man into the kind of guy you want is like trying to make an old truck into a luxury car. No matter how much time, effort and money you put into overhauling that old, beat up Ford pickup, it'll never be a Mercedes Benz.
    Subsequently, if you have to put an incessant amount of time and effort into making a guy into a suitable mate, he’s not the right guy for you.

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    It’s important to realize that there are many good men out there who want to be in a committed, fulfilling relationship just like you. But before you can start dating more quality men, you have to recognize and release the beliefs that aren’t working for you and adopt an effective strategy for identifying, meeting and attracting quality men.