27 January 2016

Were You Cheated on? Moving Forward after Infidelity

Were you cheated on?

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  • It is absolutely vital for you to move forward with life and love. Being willing to trust again is key. Take things one step at a time.
  • Don't try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse's behavior or sympathizing with him/her is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. It's not your fault.
  • Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters.
  • Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.
  • If your partner wants back in, he/she will have to earn his/her way back into the relationship. Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.
  • There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, "That's it, I'm done. I'm not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You just go do whatever you're going to do because I'm not going to live like this anymore." Don't stay together for the children. Remember, kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They're much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure.
  • If there was a child born of the infidelity, understand that your spouse will forever have a relationship with that child's other parent. You have to make the decision about whether you can resolve to be part of that or not.
    Did you have an affair?
  • Own the problems that you created by having an affair. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge.
  • It is unfair to compare a new, exciting, taboo fantasy relationship to one you've been in for years where there are kids, bills to pay, a house to run and noses to wipe. That is a ridiculous comparison.
  • In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100 percent. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while you're still having it.
  • Don't rely on your heart to tell you what to do; rely on your intellect. Do what logic tells you is the right thing to do.
  • Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work.
  • Ask yourself: What are you doing to help your partner get past the affair?
  • Be mature enough to recognize that life is not always all about you and what feels good for you in the moment. If you are married and have children, you have an obligation and a commitment that far transcends what feels good.
  • Help the partner who did not have the affair find emotional closure. You must do whatever it takes until your partner finds it. If it requires you to check in with your spouse multiple times a day, then do it. It'll require you being where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so your spouse can trust you again. And you do it until.
  • If a child was born of the infidelity, you will have to have contact with the other person in order to be co-parents. And you do this the right way by not having any contact without your spouse's involvement. If you want to talk with the other person, then you do it with your spouse present.
  • Want to know if something is cheating? If you wouldn't do it with your spouse standing there, it's cheating.
  • If your marriage is over and you have children, understand that your relationship with your ex will never end. You will always at least be co-parents of your children. Build a new relationship as their allies.
  • Do you know what a healthy relationship is? Figure out what you want and behave your way to success.
  • 6 January 2016

    Internet Dating: Do's and Don'ts

    Here is some Internet dating etiquette to help you along the way with any relationship questions you may have. With so many choices to make in life, it never hurts to receive advice from a relationship coach to help guide you through the various online dating websites.

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    Just as being honest ...Here is some Internet dating etiquette to help you along the way with any relationship questions you may have. With so many choices to make in life, it never hurts to receive advice from a relationship coach to help guide you through the various online dating websites.

    Just as being honest with your resume and cover letter is important when applying for a job through an online job bank, so it is with online dating websites and the profile you post. You want to market yourself to help make your profile stand out from the others.
    Below are some tips for helping you build an effective profile on the Internet and successful internet dating experiences:

    1. About your picture on the online dating website:
    • Do look friendly and approachable.
    • Do put the best picture possible on your profile.
    • Don’t put just any mug shot of you on your site.
    • Don’t be with other people. Dog, cat and kids are okay! 

    2. About your profile on the site:
    • Do include what’s unique about you and why someone may want to go out with you.
    • Do describe your values in the body of the profile. What’s fulfilling for you? What do you treasure?
    • Do try to be a descriptive as possible so the reader will experience what you do. (Help them see, smell and hear the beach) Put in a come play with me quality!
    • Don’t put stuff in your profile that is not putting your best foot forward.
    • Don’t lie! Be honest and upbeat. That doesn’t mean you have to tell all your faults! 

    3. Contacting each other:
    • Do go after quality and not quantity!
    • Do find something that you connect to. A cause or a passion.
    • Do email back and forth a couple of times to get a sense of a person: their way of thinking and how they express themselves.
    • Don’t be a pen pal! If the person is unwilling to talk on the phone, stop the interchange.
    • Do talk on the phone to gain further rapport.
    • Do trust your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t pursue any further.
    • Don’t talk on the phone for weeks without making plans to get together. 

    4. Meeting each other:
    • Do give each other cell phone numbers in case something happens on your way to the meeting.
    • Do meet in a public place for coffee during the day, if possible
    • Do “be yourself”.
    • Don’t run away if the person doesn’t look like what you thought.
    • Don’t give out too much information about yourself before you know the person better.
    • Some important dating advice for women: Don’t expect the man to pay. Be prepared to pay your share. It will be a nice surprise if he does offer to pay the tab.
    • Do give a nice person a second chance. Chemistry can develop over time.

    5. Following up
    • Do be honest about your level of interest in the person. They may know someone else you’d like to meet.
    • Do thank the person for a nice time and if someone paid.
    • Don’t say you’ll call and not call!
    • Don’t wait a month to call the woman if you liked her. She may have moved onto her next prospect
    Whether you’ve just recently started dating or you’re an experienced single, the above dating tips can benefit you as you refine your online dating profile. When in doubt, remember to consult with a close friend or a relationship coach with any relationship questions you may have. Good luck in your search!

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    2 January 2016

    4 Myths That Are Making It Hard For You To Find "Mr. Right"

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    Are you totally baffled as to why you only seem to attract men who are far from ideal for you? Are you tired of ending up with men who aren’t ready for the same type of relationship you want?
    Before you give up on the possibility of ever meeting guys who truly measure up and want what you desire in a relationship, you may want to take a look at how these 4 myths may be adversely affecting your ability to find "Mr. Right".

    1. You Believe you’ll “Just Know” When You Meet The Right Guy
    Because we’ve been programmed to believe that we can tell whether or not a guy is right for us based on the way he makes us feel, many women fail to take many other aspects of his character into account when determining if a guy would make a good mate for them.

    Although being physically attracted to and enjoying the companionship of a man should definitely be part of the equation, intense chemistry itself shouldn’t be your only reason for choosing to be in a long-term relationship.
    While it’s true that infatuation can be the beginning stage of love, and is the first indication that true love could be possible with a particular person, other essential criteria should be considered to determine if a healthy long-term commitment is possible.

    2. You Believe Good Men Are In Limited Supply
    The following expressions, “a good man is hard to find” and “all the good men are already taken” are so widely held as truth by single ladies everywhere, women not only rely on these two concepts to sooth their bruised egos and damaged self-esteem when a relationship goes awry; they’ve become the single woman’s mantra for being unable to find a suitable mate.

    Unfortunately, buying into this way of thinking not only causes women to all too often latch onto the first guy who shows the slightest interest and often settling for a man who’s more trouble than his worth; subscribing to the notion that good men are few and far between also causes women to spend way too much time trying to make a relationship work with the wrong guy.

    3. You’ve Bought Into The Myth That “All Men Are Dogs”
    While believing this stereotype may also provide some temporary comfort regarding your dilemma to land a good man, keep in mind that in order to attract what you really desire, your thoughts need to be consistent with your intentions.

    If your intention (to attract a good man) is in direct conflict with what you believe, (that all men only want one thing) for example, then what you believe will actually repel your desire.
    Furthermore, it’s important to understand that viewing all men negatively will adversely affect the way you interact with them.
    Okay, yes I realize that there are guys who are only after one thing or have ulterior motives for getting involved with women; but the fact is, there are also plenty of great men out there who are genuine, and also looking for something more meaningful than an occasional roll in the hay.

    4. You Believe You Can Make A Man with Potential into What You Want”
    Buying into this belief often causes women to invest a lot of time and effort in the hopes that with enough support and reassurance, he’ll become the man she really wants him to be.

    While there’s nothing wrong with being encouraging and supportive, you want to be careful not to take on the responsibility of getting a man to live up to his potential. That’s his job!
    The truth is, trying to make a man into the kind of guy you want is like trying to make an old truck into a luxury car. No matter how much time, effort and money you put into overhauling that old, beat up Ford pickup, it'll never be a Mercedes Benz.
    Subsequently, if you have to put an incessant amount of time and effort into making a guy into a suitable mate, he’s not the right guy for you.

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    It’s important to realize that there are many good men out there who want to be in a committed, fulfilling relationship just like you. But before you can start dating more quality men, you have to recognize and release the beliefs that aren’t working for you and adopt an effective strategy for identifying, meeting and attracting quality men.