29 December 2015

Transforming Through Conflict

Single Parent Dating UK

Conflict is a natural stage in the development of relationship between two people, or between members of a group. But because most of us have been taught to avoid conflict, when we encounter it in groups, we retreat to the safety of shallow relationships with one another. Conflict is often a healthy sign that participants are getting "real" with one another. Its effective resolution results in increased intimacy and trust, which equates to superior group performance. 

In all fairness, it does takes a fair degree of intestinal fortitude to walk through the fire of conflict. To skillfully make this journey, you must have developed, to some degree, a certain degree of self-mastery so that you can walk "through" the conflict with the group and not retreat!
Where does conflict come from? Most conflict is the result of inaccurate assumptions made by the conflicting parties. To resolve conflict, it's necessary to uncover these assumptions while maintaining an atmosphere of respect. 

A major impediment to conflict resolution is our need to be right. If we can embrace a desire to "understand" the other, or in Steven Covey's words, "Seek first to understand, then be understood," this will go a long way in resolving or avoiding conflict all together.
Here's an example of what one might do to facilitate conflict resolution in a group. Say you're in a working group and Sally is mad at Joe because she doesn't feel he's pulling his weight. The first step in resolving conflict is to get consent from the parties involved to work through it. You ask, "Sally and Joe, would you be willing to work this issue through with our support right now?" If they agree, get each of them in turn to explain their perspective, assumptions, and feelings, without blaming the other.               Single Parent Dating UK

Since emotions are usually charged during conflict, the challenge for you will be to get each side to stay with the facts, to own their own feelings around the history of the conflict, and to hear each other. When you get to the bottom of most conflicts, you'll usually find that both sides want something or have something in common that can form the beginning of an understanding between them. Getting them to break through the emotion to get to this place and to hear the perspective of the other side will be your task.
Things to keep in mind for conflict resolution: trust that the parties involved can work through the conflict, maintain mutual respect between conflicting parties, facilitate ownership language, make sure everything is spoken and heard by each party, have each party make requests of the other, then check for resolution.

18 December 2015

Dating after Kids: How to Ensure it goes a smoothly as possible

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You’re a single parent. Whether divorced or widowed, eventually you’re going to want to start dating. One of the most common questions is “How and when do I introduce my new partner into my child’s life?” Here are the top ten tips on dating after kids:

1) Is your new partner a keeper or just a fling?
Don’t introduce your kids to anyone new if they’re not going to be around for the long haul. Remember you already got divorced once, so make sure you’ve dated for at least 6 months before introducing your kids to a new partner. Yes, that’s right, 6 months of solid commitment. If this is just a summer romance or a rebound keep the kids out of this. See your fling when your kids are with their other parents or sleeping over at their friend’s homes.

2) Is your new partner too eager to meet your kids or too eager to introduce you to their kids?
Being too eager to meet our kids after a few dates can be a warning sign. What’s the rush? Yes, it’s important for your new partner gets along with your children but keep your children’s best interest at heart and ensure this romance is going to last. It’s too painful for your kids to meet a string of people coming and going in and out of their lives.

3) Time Lines
Remember your children don’t recover from change the same way you do. Unless there was a lot of divorce discussion, your children probably did not hear about your divorce until just before it occurred. Your kids have had less time to adjust to the idea that their world is changing. You can’t expect your kids to be ready for someone new in their life just because you’re ready. Proceed with caution.

4) Take advantage of your shared custody
Schedule your dates when your children are with their other parent. This gives you the privacy you need to develop a relationship, be intimate and have adult sleepovers without getting your kids involved. Be creative, schedule dates when the kids are at after school programs, school trips, sleep overs at friend’s homes or trade off “play dates” with another parent to give yourself time to socialize.

5) One Mom, One Dad
Reassure your children that no one will replace either of you. Kids do worry that your new partner will replace their Mom or Dad or that you expect them to call your new partner “Mom” or “Dad”. Your kids need your reassurance that it’s OK for them not to love your new love but they need to be respectful. This is especially true if your children are older and have become accustomed to have you all to themselves. 

6) Talk to your new partner about each other’s children
Both you and your partner may have kids. If you’ve decided this person is a keeper, now is the time to talk about how you raise your children, what are your house rules (his and hers), and your expectations for a future life together. When two families get together it’s more like an amalgamation then a blending of families. It’s important for you both to understand the dynamics of each family. Have a long talk about family expectations, discipline, money, education, holidays, vacations, and anything else you believe is important. It’s a big deal merging kids and families together.

7) Introduce your new partner slowly and in small doses
The day has come for your special someone to meet your children. Choose an event where no one has to be not the centre of attention. Choose to have the kids meet at an event that involves other adults, visit a children’s museum or a kid friendly attraction or event, or head out for a yummy treat. It’s best to keep it short and sweet for the first few visits. Limit PDA or public displays of affection for the first 5 or 6 visits. You want your kids to get to know this person as your friend first. Ensure your date knows your kids’ needs come first, so you may have to head home if someone gets tired or sick and your attention will be on your children and their enjoyment first. 

8) Manage your expectations
Junior may not be enamored with your choice. Remember you don’t need your child’s approval. If you’ve been single for a while, your child may experience feelings of jealousy and anger. Go slowly so our children can adjust to changes in your life and their lives. It really is up to your new partner to build up the relationship with your child. Don’t except your older child to be crazy over your partner right away. They are old enough to express themselves. All children may feel conflict between being loyal to their other parent if they “like“ your new partner. It takes time for people to create new relationships. Give them time and space to adjust to your new partner and to get to know them. 

9) Be open with your children
Communicate to your children in an age appropriate manner. Communication with your kids involves both talking to your children in an open and honest manner, and listening to their feelings and opinions too. Listen to how they feel about your partner. If they are uncomfortable about your partner, no matter how painful it is to hear the news, take the time to understand how your child feels.

10) Time, patience & love
Make sure now that you have a new love, you don’t disappear on your children. Yes, love is infatuating and we know how great it feels to be held by someone who loves us. But make sure you spend quality time with your children. Don’t be spending hours on the phone while your kids are still awake. They still need you. Spending time with your kids reminds them how special they are to you and helps your children feel that your new partner is not there to steal you from them.

Remember it took time for you to build this relationship with your new partner and it will take time for your children and your partner to develop a special relationship as well. When it comes to introducing your kids to your new love interest, wait, wait, wait. Proceed slowly and give your children the time and attention they need from you.

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13 December 2015

Save Yourself - Get Over Somebody Who Doesn't Love You

If someone loves you then they do. If they don’t then they don’t. That’s it. 

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However, it is utterly painful to forget someone who doesn’t love you.
It’s hard to see that your LOVE is not returning the feelings to you.
If someone doesn’t have any feeling for you, it is hard to make them love you at all.
Moreover, if that person loves someone else then it is truly hard to make them love you.
Therefore, it is better to forget them and move on. 

So how can you forget someone who doesn’t love you? Follow these tips.
1) Forgive yourself and then love yourself –
The first step you need to take is to forgive yourself. It may be possible that your LOVE made you feel bad about yourself because you loved them.
However, it is not your fault to love someone. You need to make yourself believe that you didn’t make any mistake by loving that person.
Thereafter, you need to forgive yourself if you believe that you made some mistakes which made that person not to love you back.
Once you forgive yourself, you need to start loving yourself for what you are. At first, it will not be that easy.
However you can come up with a list of your good traits which will help you to feel good. 

2) Learn the correct way to deal with romantic rejections –
Rejections from the loved ones normally trigger a response which is very similar to withdrawing symptoms of a drug addict.
Loving someone who doesn’t love is also like taking a drug. You take drugs which weaken your body and willpower.
Likewise, you love that person just to make you feel worse.

3) Understand that you can’t control them –
It is important to understand that you can’t bully someone to like you back, can you? The other person has the same freedom as you have.
There is only one person in this world on which you can have full control. And that person is you.
Instead of trying to control the other person, you should try to control your own emotions.
Don’t allow yourself to think about THAT person. Don’t dwell over past. Control your emotions and then you will be able to forget THAT person. 

4) Invest your time on something else instead of seeing that person –
It is advised to avoid that person as much as possible. Give yourself some space and invest your time on the other activities which don’t require THAT person.
You have made them a part of your life. Now you need to take steps to cut them off from your life. That’s the way to forget them and become happy. 

5) Give a good channel to your emotions –
Don’t make yourself full of bad emotions. This is an unhealthy act considering psychology.
Most people feel a great relief right after crying. Crying is a method of your body and mind to release some unwanted and bad emotions.
Don't keep unwanted and bad emotions with yourself for a long time. Instead, give them a channel to come out from you.
For this you can express your real emotions to yourself. Or you can also express your emotions to someone who loves you like your relatives and friends. 

Single Parent Dating UK
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